We Keep Fighting About “Nothing”: How EFT Helps with Recurring Conflict

You’re arguing about the dishes again—or was it the thermostat, or how they looked at their phone during dinner? It always starts small, but somehow you both end up feeling hurt, misunderstood, or completely shut down. If you’ve ever thought, “We keep fighting about nothing,” you’re not alone—and you’re not actually fighting about nothing.

At Couples-EFT.com, we help couples across Arizona, Maryland, California, Nevada, Colorado, and Virginia untangle these recurring patterns using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)—a research-backed approach designed to strengthen the emotional bond between partners. And while our therapy is fully online, our approach is grounded in the calm, connected energy that Sedona is known for.

The Real Reason You Keep Having the Same Argument

Most couples don’t come to therapy because of one “big” issue. They come because of a pattern—the same fight that keeps showing up in different disguises. One person pulls away, the other pushes harder. Tension rises. No one feels heard. Everyone feels alone.

EFT calls this the negative cycle, and it’s not about the dishes or the phone. These fights are really about:

• Feeling emotionally disconnected
• Doubting whether your needs matter
• Worrying that your partner isn’t really “there” for you

When couples fight over “nothing,” what they’re often trying to say is: “Can I count on you? Do I matter to you? Are you there for me?

What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a structured, evidence-based model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT helps couples understand their conflict patterns, access underlying emotions, and rebuild trust and emotional safety.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, EFT isn’t just about communication tips. It helps you get underneath the surface issues so you can actually shift the way you relate to each other.

In online sessions, we guide couples through three key phases:

1. De-escalate the conflict by identifying the negative pattern and learning to see it as the problem—not each other.
2. Build emotional safety so you can express core needs and fears in a connected, responsive way.
3. Strengthen the bond by creating new patterns of closeness, attunement, and secure connection.

How EFT Helps with Recurring Conflict

Let’s revisit that fight about the dishes. In EFT, we’d slow the moment down—not to dissect logistics, but to uncover what’s really happening emotionally.

Maybe one partner feels unappreciated but doesn’t know how to say, “I need to feel like we’re in this together and you see me.”

Maybe the other partner hears criticism and retreats, afraid they’re always letting their partner down or failing.

EFT helps couples notice these hidden emotional cues, respond with compassion, and shift out of the blame cycle. The goal isn’t to “win” the argument—it’s to feel safe, seen, and close again.

Once you break the pattern, those “nothing” fights start to fade. In their place, you’ll find real conversations about the things that actually matter.

Rooted in Sedona Energy, Available Wherever You Are

Though we work exclusively online, our therapy style draws from the grounding, reflective energy of Sedona—a place known for healing, presence, and deep transformation.

We see therapy as more than problem-solving; it’s a space to slow down, reconnect, and heal your relationship at the core. Whether you’re in Phoenix, Los Angeles, Denver, Richmond, Las Vegas, or Baltimore, you can access care that feels as intentional and nourishing as the red rocks of Sedona.

Signs You’re Caught in a Negative Cycle

You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from EFT. Many of our clients come in saying, “We just don’t know how to talk anymore.”

Here are some signs it’s time to get support:

• You argue about the same issues with no resolution
• One or both of you shuts down during conflict
• Small disagreements escalate quickly
• You feel more like roommates than romantic partners
• You want to reconnect but don’t know how

EFT can help you understand what’s happening—and more importantly, how to shift it.

Online Couples Therapy That Reconnects You at the Core

At Couples-EFT.com, we specialize in helping couples move from disconnection to closeness using Emotionally Focused Therapy. Our clients come from across Arizona, California, Maryland, Colorado, Nevada, and Virginia, but all receive the same thoughtful, grounded care—delivered virtually, with a heart-centered approach rooted in the values of safety, connection, and healing.

You don’t have to keep fighting about “nothing.” You just need a space to talk about what truly matters.

Book a free 20-minute consultation to explore how online EFT can support your relationship—wherever you are.

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